i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Randomize
