I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
