I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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