Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
