Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
