Tell her she can't have a vagina
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
