News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
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