hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
