you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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