i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Who did Billy Mays play for?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
