I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
