I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I think I am morally bankrupt
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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