How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
