I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
