bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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