the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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