Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
