I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
