I queefed so loud it echoed.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Im part way to drunk.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
