I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
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According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
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If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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