It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
