Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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