Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
