My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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