my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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