I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
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I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
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Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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