Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
