Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
