tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
