i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
