I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
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