no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
