just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
and she was petting her beer can
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
