OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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