I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Well I just put wine in my tea
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
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