okay pat passed out under dana's car
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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