i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Randomize
