And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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