I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
