I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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