I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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