Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
