I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
