I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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