I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
