I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
