Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
