are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
