come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
