so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
