She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
