Don't you send me to vm
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
