I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
