just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
worst night to have a conscience
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
