Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
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If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
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I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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