jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
