allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
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i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
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