I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
