I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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