it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
