Pappa wants mamma naked
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
