just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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