glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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