My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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